Your Purpose Has Nothing To Do with 'Them'

For a moment, there seemed to be nothing left of the fire that once burnt within my core. Nothing, except the dark smokes making their way out of the window of my spirit, blackening my hopes and dreams. This fire that was once the very source of my energy and, the very essence of me, now burnt down my house instead of fueling my purpose. How did I even get here? Since when was I the one to sleep through an entire day thinking of nothing more than the fear of trying again?

You see, as you move through life’s uncertain waves, one thing keeps you going. It is knowing that your own will always be proud of you that helps you stand. Faced with adversity, many close their eyes and remember that the love of one precious parent, spouse, partner, sibling or friend weighs more than a thousand, one hundred and one obstacles. You raise your dreams and drives, but your support system maintains them uplifted. 

The question is, what happens when there is no longer a support system? What do you do when those you’ve always been fighting for feel embarrassed by your sometimes extreme ways of getting it all right? What happens to your motivation when the very thing that fed your passion is seemingly removed from your reach?

A friend once told me ‘whatever you do, do it for you, first’. I didn’t make much of it at the time but as time went on, I realised what he had said was much deeper than I thought. It took a while to conclude that selfishness is not such a negative asset after all. Unless the reason for my deeds is me, myself and I, I am headed for disappointments and failure, eventually.

I am going to explain, of course. You have to understand that you are in this life for a purpose and that you fulfill that purpose because that is your call and not because others will benefit from it. You walk right into your purpose and do what it requires of you, independent of whether anyone recognises, let alone approves of it. Why? Because in so doing, nothing other than you can demotivate you.

When a vision is set on something other than yourself, you rely on circumstance and the environment to achieve your goal. If days are dismal, you cannot find the strength to climb an extra hill. When people are unsatisfied, you think of ways to modify your plans. You are not constant in your decision-making and you are not consistent in your achievements because your motivation comes and goes with the acceptance or denials of the people you are trying to work for.

People will have very different viewpoints at any given time. We have all heard of a pregnant woman cursing the midwife for the pain of an epidural injection then blessing her immediately after.  Almost all of us thought our parents hated us that’s why they sent us away to kindergarten. People do not necessarily appreciate the value of your sacrifice right away. Sometimes it takes weeks, sometimes months and even years. If you were only working for fame and recognition, it will be easy to give up.

In every humanitarian heart lives a fire. It is what makes us care for our environment. It is what makes us set up charities for the less fortunate. It is also what inspires us to help others in many different ways. But very often, we shift the dynamics of this fire in a way that makes it backfire against us. The reason why we set up a charity should not be so that vulnerable people realise we are helping them. It is not so that we can look like the good Samaritan. It is because the world is supposed to be a better place in the first place and as part of it, it is our duty and our call as an individual to make it a better place. 

When you start working because it is your purpose, the burden of proof shifts from the helped to the helper. It is no longer them that motivate you; you are self-motivated. You do it because it is your purpose. And your purpose has nothing to do with ‘them’. It has everything to do with you. At that point, nothing they do or say can dishearten you.

The same principle applies to a child who gives their best at school but whose parents are never quite satisfied enough with the achievements. So it is for the spouse who gives all the best love and care to an always displeased companion. Not to mention the employee that would face winds and waves to deliver the best to an ever-so-complaining boss. To all these scenarios, the only way out is to understand that you do what you do not because of the other party but because you owe it to yourself to be the best at what you do. Giving in to their unrealistic demands and caprices drives you low. It dehumanises you. It makes you feel less fulfilled. And what good does it do you to stop being a good loving father just because your teenage child doesn’t see your sacrifice? What good does it do you to start skipping classes and not doing homework just because your teacher doesn’t think you will pass your exam? How do you benefit from allowing their doubts and fears stop you from achieving?

If  you do what you do because you believe in it, there is not enough obstacle in the world to stop you. A vision that comes from personal experience, a dream that finds an anchor beyond the lousy noisy waves of gossip, rejection and opposition will remain unshakable within your heart. When times will be blackened by what will seem to be but smokes of despair, all you’ll need to do is shake beneath the pile of disappointments and shame to find the flames of that original fire.

Acceptance and recognition might encourage you to keep doing what you do but even when there is no such support, you should be able to fight because your satisfaction and fulfilment comes not from loud applauses but from diligently and wholeheartedly doing what you are supposed to do. As much as two hands are better than one, every hand is equally as perfectly independent from the other.